Wonder Land: Incredibles
by Flocculent Aura
Summary: Silly oneshots of our favorite Avengers and their X-men counterparts.


**"Origins of a Tesseract"**

Wonder Land: Incredibles is a collection of quirky ideas that are mentally manufactured by myself and my glorious sister.

_**A/N:** To all the people that have read my other material, I promise to post another chapter for my 28 Days series. Tchau!_

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After securing Loki in a heavily guarded cell, the Avengers took a much-needed break at that shawarma joint that Tony spoke about. The Arabic eatery looked as if it were empty except for the noisy people gathered around two tables. Each Avenger could be seen shoveling massive heaps of food down their gullets.

While eating, Hawkeye's thoughts drifted to a strange question. _How did the tesseract get to earth?_ He mentally searched his mind for possible reasons, yet they all seemed too ridiculous.

Swallowing the last of his shawarma, the archer voiced his question to the group. "Haven't any of you pondered why the tesseract is on earth?" Speaking through a mouth full of food, Tony replied. "Do you really think we really have to talk about work?" Wiping the grease from his beard, Stark tossed the soiled napkin over his shoulder. "Seriously, I like sharing theories and all, but we should be trying to relax, and leave the questions for another day?"

Barton scrunched his face. "I know, but this is a nagging question that has bothered me." Steve shook his head in agreement. "I too wondered why that object was here." Sensing the spark of conversation in the air, the two men pounced on the opportunity and began swapping ideas while the rest of the group listened in silence.

"Do you think one of the asgardians stole it?" Steve said aloud. The god of thunder immediately denied that any of his people would do such a thing. "Maybe the gods hid the tesseract somewhere on earth." Thor laughed at the two mortals. "You humans don't know a thing." Both the archer and the super-soldier stared at the bearded blonde. "I will tell you the true story, but you must promise with your lives that this will never be repeated."

One by one, the group all agreed to Thor's terms. Smiling at their interest, the asgardian reclined in his chair.

_The week before the events of Captain America, Johann Schmidt (Red Skull) was seen strutting his stuff in the grand halls of a concealed location in Asgard. His body-hugging Nazi suit clung to his thin frame, showcasing the man's assets. Schmidt turned down a well decorated hallway, and stopped by a nearby door. Taking a deep breath, the general entered a magnificent room. The floors were made of the finest marble, and curtains cascaded from the ceiling, giving the room an imperial appearance._

_At the end of the room, there was a pathway that led to a pedestal. What sat atop was a metallic podium that may have been constructed from the most precious of metals. Schmidt was so close to obtaining the tesseract, but the one thing that stood in his way was…Odin. See, the god had taken a liking to the Nazi officer some time ago. _

_Shortly after, Odin started to flirt with the man, and Schmidt did everything in his ability to convey his disinterest with the mighty all-father, but nothing seemed to work. 'If only he had the guts to take the tesseract.' He thought to himself. But knowing that the god would not allow that to happen, the Nazi officer would have to resort to some distasteful tactics._

_Approaching the god, the man spoke in a mock-seductive voice. "Dear, Mighty All-Father, I have been hiding my attraction for too long." He patted the older man's hair, and watched as the god turned to face him. "I knew you couldn't resist my godly charms." Going for a kiss, Odin tried to lock lips with Schmidt, but his head was forcefully redirected away. "Nah-ah-ah, I don't want to kiss." Backing away, the officer tried to feign naughtiness. "I think that we should skip the main course and go straight to dessert." Odin looked at him with a confused expression, but said nothing. _

_Watching the god, the Nazi officer threw himself at Odin and squealed like a girl. The sudden sound startled the god and made him take a few steps back. Peering over Odin's shoulder, Schmidt could see that he was about an arm's length away._

_Shivering at his next and most emasculating move yet, he shoved the god into the pedestal and began to fiddle with his 'bits'. Odin was too distracted from the massage to notice that Schmidt was scooting closer to the tesseract._

_The Nazi officer ceased his menstruations to unbutton his coat. Instantly, Odin snapped from his reverie. "Don't stop, baby." He said breathlessly. Reaching for Schmidt's hand, the god tried to coax the man into continuing. The German gave a quick glance at his coat before complying with Odin's wish. _

_As the bearded man shivered in delight, the German stretched his arm around the burly god. Slowly, he grasped the tesseract. With all his concentration, the Nazi officer lifted the artifact and gently pulled it toward his person. Looking up, he eyed the god as he secured the tesseract in his coat._

_The German then snatched his gloved hand away from Odin's crotch and stood up. Faking a yawn, the Nazi officer quickly explained how the excitement had tired him out and that he needed some time to rest. Not thinking straight, Odin allowed the man to retire to his sleeping chambers._

_The German man agreed to the suggestion and hastily retreated from the room. Once in the hallway, the man didn't stick around to face the wrath of the god._

Thor concluded the story and waited for any comments. Surprisingly, no one had anything to say. But many thought of one thing. _FREAKY ASS GEEZER._

_Fin_


End file.
